unwrittenable

Again, for the million times my ex trying to call me up again. This time he directly inform me that he already bought my son's needs for this month. And he asked whether he can bought him couple clothes for Lebaran.

So, we went together to Citos yesterday. Like a happy family. Like there's no bad thing had happened to us before. I'm just waiting .. waiting when will his tempered blowing up, like usual.

But until we goin home, everything's just fine. We went around, go to supermarket, playing some games in Time Zone. And he asked me whether I could come to his house for a while. And I said yes. I knew that he want to show his son to the ppl in the neighborhood. But, sorry Ayah .. I couldn't stay longer. Rama has been out since the afternoon, he needs some rests. Anyway, I have many things in my head I couldn't tell. Hope the day will come for us, for Rama.

And on the way home, he don't want to hand Rama to me. he wants to keep him by his hands. Take Rama to sleep. On a way home, in the cab, he holds Rama tight like he didn't wanna let him go. Kiss him.

Yesterday was gatdem perfect ..

And I still can feel my hand shaking ..
And suddenly I realize, he never SMS me again, after he goin' home even he know that I'm worrying whether he back home safely or not. And I type an SMS ..

"Terimakasih Ayah. Terimakasih mau sayang sama Rama. Mudah2an Ayah akan selalu baik dan jangan jahat lagi sama Rama dan Bunbun. Doa dan cium Rama buat Ayah, semoga dimurahkan rezeki dan kesehatan dari Allah, karena Rama dan Bunbun nggak bisa jaga Ayah .."

but the SMS was never been sent. I'm afraid you will get misunderstood. I'm afraid you will think that I'll open my arms if you give Rama in material. No, your kindness today is more than that. Not only the clothes, not only the food, but it's lot more than that .. your hug, your caring .. is all Rama's need.